another weekend of staffing

As if by magic -- I had just talked with people about how staffing stresses me out because I don't have anyone to talk to and the only people I talk to all day are nurses who yell at me and then this weekend that all changed... well, not all of it, I'm still in the satellite by myself but this weekend, unlike all weekends prior, not one person yelled at me.  I couldn't be happier.  Now, this may be because all the nice people work on what would normally by my co-resident's weekend and so next weekend when I work again it will be back to the same old story, OR it could be that my experiment of saying the person's name who I'm talking to is improving everyone's self esteem and therefore making them happier. :-)  Either way, I'm happy for this weekend going smoothly.  Now I just have to get through the 5 days this week and 2 days next weekend and then I get Monday off and then start my next rotation in SICU on Tuesday.

I can't believe I only have one more week on this rotation... This year is going really fast.  I just bought plane tickets for midyear and we have had our hotel booked for awhile now... The big hanging question is where I'm going to be next year.  B got an offer from a certain retail pharmacy for a significant annual salary and a job in the OurCity south district so now I have even one more reason to want to stay on for a second year... Again, I suffer from really really really hating the uncertainty of my life situation.  I didn't know how much extra stress it really put on me until the match last spring and now it kind of just feels the same except I also have all the residency stress... last week was not a good week for me.  I have high hopes for this week but I make no promises.  I guess it's just that I am really motivated to do a second year residency  but I'm also really motivated to stay in the same city with B... He is the person that I can talk to about anything and he just listens and if I don't want to talk when I come home I can just lay down on the couch while he watches TV or whatever and he'll just put his hand on my shoulder and I feel better... having him away on rotations so much has really put a drain on me emotionally and I can't imagine another whole year away from him.  I'm just distressed by it.  Consequently, I try not to think about it too much.  Ok, enough for one post.  Suffice it to say, I'm doing ok but this month is difficult and stressing me out and I don't see next month getting any easier BUT I am awesome and capable and I will get through it all and come out better for the struggle.  

My mantra -- I am awesome.  I am capable.  I will get through this and be better for the struggle.

Feel free to use it if you wish.

Goodnight.