Sunday, October 28, 2012

mantra reclaimed

Reading through some old blog posts and came across what I, at the time, dubbed to be my mantra -- I think I have changed/grown throughout the past year and I think my alteration of said mantra would be this: I am capable, I am growing, I will work to see each day as an opportunity rather than an obstacle

I have blogged before about how I feel like my whole life I've been waiting on the next thing and even though I am getting to a point in my life where I've gone through many of the these landmark things I still find myself seeing this year as an obstacle to my future happiness, a hill that I just have to get over to get to the fun part on the other side -- now, in some ways this is true since I did kind of have to put my life on hold to move here and complete my training but at the same time, I have felt recently that I am just unhappy and I think it stems from the fact that I go to work everyday thinking about what I "have" to do and not what I have the opportunity to do.

Now, those of you who know me may be thinking that I've had a stroke or been abducted by aliens or something of that nature but I haven't :-)  Also, I'm not saying that I'm suddenly going to become ecstatic about living away from all my friends/family and B but I just feel like I have to put an end to this cycle of my going into work Monday with a negative opinion of things that only gets worse as the week wears on.  And maybe some of this stems from the fact that tomorrow will be day 1 of 18 and I just don't think I can face 18 days of being angry with my life... and maybe I am trying to have a more positive outlook because B is coming in a couple of days and I want to be happy while he's here... I don't know, but I do know that I want to try to just be content for the next 244 days.  And I want to be productive.

On that note, I'll go try to get my handout ready for my topic discussion tomorrow... wah wah...

Happy Halloween Week kiddies :-)

Monday, October 15, 2012

lyrics

and I have to speculate
that God himself did make us
into corresponding shapes
like puzzle pieces from the clay

and true it may seem like a stretch
but it's thoughts like this that catch
my troubled head when you're away
when I am missing you to death

Iron & Wine
Such Great Heights

I love this song.  Period.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

I'm a bad blogger

I don't have time to post... like ever...

I am so happy to be laying on my couch right now.  I am so happy to not be in the hospital right now.  Sometimes people tell me that I should be careful about what I post so that no one ever thinks that I don't like what I'm doing -- I think anyone who has done a residency knows that residents MUST love what they do or they wouldn't do it.  This is not a glamorous lifestyle.  No one does a residency because they want to be a resident -- it is a very fulfilling means to an end.  A challenging and fulfilling means to an end.  I am so grateful for the opportunities I've been given since graduating and I truly value the position I'm in currently.  That said, I will be happy in 259 days when I'm no longer a resident.  Anyone who thinks that is bad/wrong/inappropriate is silly.  I am so excited to join the ranks of specialists who have completed their respective residencies and pay it forward to those who are also going to pursue the residency path.  I hope I can be there for others as people have been there for me.  Additionally, I am going to be so exquisitely happy to be able to see the real B instead of the pixelated skype version of him that I am so used to seeing now.  I value him even more now that I have had to be away.

On another note - My sister is coming next month for Thanksgiving... I guess we've kind of made it out little tradition.  Last year we had Thanksgiving together too.  I have to work that holiday as well as 2 of the other 3 weekends in November... I am glad she is willing to come here and make food for me :-)

Well, I think now it is time for me and my kitty friend to continue lounging about the apartment doing absolutely nothing.  And then maybe later I will try and do something productive... perhaps laundry or going to the grocery store... or actually work on something related to work... the world may never know.

later happy people.